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Joke Category: 
One-liners

Other Jokes You Might Like

  • Marriage One-liners
    Many a wife thinks her husband is the world's greatest lover. But she can never catch him at it.
    Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven't been able to find anybody who'll take what...
  • News Headlines
    Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
    Farmer Bill Dies in House
    Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
    Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
    Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
    Survivor of Siamese Twins...
  • Business One-liners
    It is incredible how much intelligence is used in this world to prove nonsense.
    It is later than you think.
    It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
    It is not enough to tell me you...
  • Ponderables
    Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
    If the 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
    If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and...
  • Robert Schmidt Quotes
    I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
    I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, "Do...
  • Steven Wright
    You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading . . . And all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
    Last night, I walked...
  • No Respect
    "Good crowd...good crowd. I'm telling you I could use a good crowd. I'm ok now but last week I was in rough shape... Why? I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap."
    "I come from a...
  • Steven Wright II
    If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
    [Referring to a glass of water] I mixed this myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don't trust anybody!
    They say we're 98% water. We'...
  • No Respect II
    "It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips..yet she won't drink from my glass!"
    "Last week my tie caught on fire. Some guy tried to put it out with an ax!"
    "I met the surgeon...
  • Business One-liners II
    Beware the fury of a patient man. - John Dryden
    Beware the man of one book. - St. Thomas Aquinas
    Blessed are those who go around in circles, for they shall be known as wheels.
    Blessed is he who...


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