Joke Lists By Category
A psychiatrist visited a California mental institution and asked a patient, "How did you get here? What was the nature of your illness?" He got the following reply.
"Well, it all started when I got married and I guess I should never have done it. I...
A proton walks into a bar and announces that the world is about to end.
"Are you sure?" Asked the Bartender.
"I'm positive," the proton responded.
"You seem to be in some distress," said the kindly judge to the witness. "Is anything the matter?"
"Well, your Honour," said the witness, "I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer...
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Tank!
Tank who?
Your welcome!
Two guys are out fishing. The first guy says, "Did you see that?"
"No," the second guy says.
"Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead," the first guy says.
"Oh," says the second guy.
A couple of minutes later, The first guy says, "Did you see that?"
"...
I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy....
A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at three in the morning, at which time he is extremely drunk. After leaving the bar, he returns home on foot.
When he enters his house, he doesn't want to...
Q: What does a proud computer call his little son?
A: A microchip off the old block.
Q: What happens if you cross a midget and a computer?
A: You get a short circut.
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this some kind of joke?!"
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Mikey!
Mikey who?
My key won't fit in this lock, can you open the door?
